Dating, relationships and breakups in your 20s and 30s

Your 20s and 30s are often a time of dating, moving in together, getting married, or deciding that a relationship is not right. Love can be one of life's greatest supports. It can also be a major source of stress, especially when a relationship is rocky or comes to an end.

This guide covers how relationships affect mental and physical health, how to get through a breakup, and how to tell the difference between a hard relationship and an abusive one. It also explains when and where to get help.

How relationships affect your health

A review of 126 studies with more than 72,000 people found that people in better-quality marriages had better health, including a lower risk of dying early. The links were small, but about as large as those for health habits such as diet.¹ People in good relationships also showed less of a stress response in their heart and blood vessels during conflict.¹

Feeling alone inside or outside a relationship is common. In a 2025 national survey, half of US adults said they lacked companionship at least some of the time.⁶

The reverse side matters too. A relationship full of conflict, criticism or fear can wear down your mood, sleep and health. What matters most is not whether you have a partner, but how safe, supported and respected you feel.

Signs of a healthy relationship

Every couple argues sometimes. In a healthy relationship, both people:

• Feel safe to say what they think and feel
• Respect each other's friends, family, time and privacy
• Can disagree without name-calling, threats or fear
• Make big decisions together
• Support each other's goals and growth
• Can say no, including to sex, without punishment

The healthy boundaries quiz and the communication style quiz can help you reflect on your own patterns.

When a relationship is unhealthy or abusive

It matters to know the difference between a relationship that is hard and one that is harmful. The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) describes four types of intimate partner violence:³

1. Physical violence: hitting, pushing, choking or using force to hurt a partner
2. Sexual violence: forcing or pressuring a partner into sexual acts, including sexting, when they do not or cannot agree
3. Stalking: repeated, unwanted contact or attention that causes fear
4. Psychological aggression: words or actions meant to harm a partner emotionally or to control them

Warning signs that a partner may be controlling or abusive include:

• Checking your phone, messages or location without permission
• Cutting you off from friends or family
• Controlling your money, clothes or where you go
• Extreme jealousy or accusing you of cheating without reason
• Insults, put-downs or making you feel worthless
• Threats to hurt you, themselves, your pets or your children, or to share private photos
• Saying they will hurt themselves if you leave
• Making you feel afraid or like you are "walking on eggshells"

Use the unhealthy relationship warning signs checklist if you are unsure.

How common it is

Partner violence is common. US data from 2023 and 2024, published in 2026, show that:³

• About 22.5% of women and 13.7% of men have experienced physical violence by a partner
• About 19.7% of women and 4.4% of men have experienced sexual violence by a partner
• About 12.2% of women and 4.2% of men have been stalked by a partner

Many people first experience partner violence before age 18.³

How abuse affects health

Partner violence can cause injuries and, sometimes, death. It is also linked to long-term problems with the heart, muscles and bones, digestion and the nervous system. It raises the risk of depression and post-traumatic stress (PTSD), and of smoking and heavy drinking.³ See PTSD signs and symptoms.

Breakups: why they hurt so much

A breakup can feel like grief, because it is a loss. You may lose not only a partner, but also daily routines, shared friends, a home or plans for the future.

A study of nearly 1,300 unmarried adults aged 18 to 35 followed people for 20 months. After a breakup, distress went up and life satisfaction went down. The drop in life satisfaction was larger for people who had lived together or had plans to marry. It was smaller for those who started dating someone new.²

Common reactions after a breakup include:

• Sadness, crying and missing the person
• Trouble sleeping or eating
• Replaying conversations and asking "what if"
• Anger, guilt or relief, sometimes all in the same day
• Checking their social media over and over
• Feeling unlovable or worried you will always be alone

For most people, these feelings ease over weeks to months. If they do not, or they keep getting worse, it may be depression. Read about the signs of depression.

What helps

Getting through a breakup

1. Let yourself feel it. Sadness and anger are normal. Pushing feelings away often makes them last longer.
2. Take a break from contact if you can. Mute or unfollow their accounts for now. Each check can reopen the wound.
3. Keep a simple routine. Get up at the same time, eat regular meals and get outside each day.
4. Tell a few people you trust. Let them know what kind of support helps, whether it is company, distraction or a listening ear.
5. Be careful with alcohol. Drinking to numb pain can make sleep and mood worse.
6. Write it down. Journaling can help you make sense of what happened. Try the journaling style quiz.
7. Be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend. The loving-kindness practice can help.
8. Hold off on big decisions like moving or quitting a job for a few weeks, if you can.

For family and friends

If someone you love is going through a breakup:

• Check in often, especially in the first few weeks
• Listen more than you advise
• Invite them to low-key plans, and do not take it personally if they say no
• Avoid trashing their ex; they may still have mixed feelings

If you think someone is being abused:

• Tell them privately that you are worried and that you are there for them
• Believe them. Do not ask why they have not left. Leaving can be hard and complicated
• Do not confront the abusive partner yourself
• Share the hotline number, 1-800-799-7233, and let them decide what to do next
• Stay in touch, even if they stay in the relationship

Special situations

Leaving an abusive partner. The time around leaving can be stressful, and some people feel less safe. Hotline advocates offer 24/7 crisis support and can talk through a plan with you.⁵

Digital abuse. Tracking your phone, demanding passwords or threatening to share private images are ways of controlling a partner. Save evidence and get help.

Loneliness after a breakup. See loneliness and making friends.

Money and housing. Shared leases, debts and pets can make breakups harder. See money and housing stress.

Starting a family. If you are expecting or have a new baby, see pregnancy, new parents and mood.

Common questions

Is jealousy a sign of love?

A little jealousy is a normal feeling. But checking your phone, telling you who you can see or accusing you without reason is control, not love.

Can emotional abuse be as harmful as physical abuse?

Yes. Psychological aggression is a recognized form of partner violence.³ Being insulted, threatened or controlled can lead to depression and PTSD symptoms.

How long does it take to get over a breakup?

There is no set time. Many people feel better over weeks to months, especially with good support and routines. If you are not improving, talk to a counselor.

Should we try couples counseling?

It can help many couples who want to stay together and feel safe with each other.⁴ It is not the right choice if one partner is abusive or controlling.

When to get help

Reach out to a doctor, counselor or therapist if:

• Sadness after a breakup lasts more than a few weeks or keeps getting worse
• You cannot sleep, eat or work
• You feel hopeless or worthless
• You are drinking or using drugs to cope
• You feel afraid of your partner or ex

Education only. This page is general information written from the sources listed. It is not medical, legal or financial advice and does not replace a doctor, therapist or lawyer who knows your situation. How we write and check pages.