Many people expect loneliness to be a problem of old age. But young adults are among the loneliest people of all. After school ends, the built-in friend groups of classrooms, dorms and teams fade. People move for work, partner up, have children or work from home. Making new friends as an adult takes more effort than it used to, and nobody teaches you how.

Loneliness is not a flaw in your personality. It is a signal, like hunger, that you need something: more connection, or connection that feels more real. This guide explains why loneliness is so common in your 20s and 30s, what it does to your health, and what helps.

Key points

The World Health Organization (WHO) says about 1 in 6 people worldwide feel lonely, including 17% to 21% of people aged 13 to 29. Loneliness is linked to more than 871,000 deaths a year.¹
In the US, young adults are almost twice as likely to report loneliness as people over 65.²
About 1 in 4 US men aged 15 to 34 (25%) said they felt lonely "a lot of the day yesterday," one of the highest rates in wealthy countries.³
Lonely people are about twice as likely to become depressed.¹ Poor social ties are also linked to higher risk of heart disease and stroke.²
Talk therapy for loneliness, most often CBT, has a small to medium benefit.⁴ Small daily actions, like putting your phone away during conversations, matter too.¹

Loneliness and isolation are not the same

Loneliness is a feeling: the gap between the connection you want and the connection you have. You can feel lonely in a crowd, in a relationship or at a busy job.

Social isolation is about facts: how few people you see or talk to. Some people who are isolated feel fine. Others with full calendars feel deeply alone.

Both matter for health. You can get a sense of where you stand with the loneliness test.

How loneliness can feel

Feeling that no one really knows you or would notice if you disappeared
Scrolling through others' photos and feeling left out
Having people to party with but no one to call in a crisis
Feeling nervous or awkward in social situations you used to enjoy
Turning down invitations, then feeling more alone
Feeling tired, low or irritable without a clear reason

Long-term loneliness can change how you see others. You may start expecting rejection and reading neutral signals as negative. That can make you pull back further, which deepens the loneliness. Knowing this cycle exists is the first step to breaking it.

Why it is so common in your 20s and 30s

Fewer built-in chances to connect. School, sports and campus life give you daily contact without planning. After that, friendship takes scheduling.

Less time together in person. Among Americans aged 15 to 24, time spent with friends in person fell from about 150 minutes a day in 2003 to about 40 minutes a day in 2020, a drop of nearly 70%.²

Many young adults feel it. In a national Harvard survey, about 1 in 3 young adults aged 18 to 25 (34%) reported loneliness.⁷

Lonely at work. In a 2024 survey, 45% of US workers aged 18 to 25 said they felt lonely while working, compared with 22% of workers aged 44 to 57.⁵

A wider "crisis of connection." In the APA's Stress in America 2025 survey, more than half of US adults (54%) said they felt isolated from others at least some of the time. Half said they felt left out or lacked companionship.⁶

Young men in particular. A 2025 Gallup analysis found 25% of US men aged 15 to 34 felt lonely much of the previous day, compared with 18% of US women the same age and a 15% median among young men in other wealthy countries.³

Screens and technology. The WHO lists too much screen time and negative online interactions among the causes of loneliness.¹ Social media can help you keep in touch, but it can also replace face-to-face time. See screens, social media and mental health.

Other risks. The WHO also names poor health, low income, living alone and a lack of community spaces.¹

How loneliness affects your health

Loneliness affects much more than mood.

Depression and anxiety. Lonely people are about twice as likely to become depressed. Loneliness is also linked to anxiety and to thoughts of self-harm or suicide.¹
Heart and brain. Poor social relationships are linked to a 29% higher risk of heart disease and a 32% higher risk of stroke.²
Early death. Lacking social connection can raise the risk of early death about as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.²
Work and money. Lonely adults may find it harder to find or keep jobs and may earn less over time.¹

More detail is on our health effects of loneliness page.

What helps

Talk therapy, especially CBT

Moderate evidence

A 2021 review of 28 studies found that psychological treatments lowered loneliness with a small to medium effect. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) was the most common approach.⁴ CBT helps you notice thoughts like "they don't want me there" and test them against real evidence. Try the thought check tool or our CBT course.

Small, regular contact

Limited research

The WHO and the US Surgeon General suggest simple daily actions: reach out to a friend, greet a neighbor, share a meal, and answer the phone when friends call.^1,2 These steps are easy to try and low risk, even though they have not been tested like treatments.

Being fully present

Put your phone away during conversations so you can really listen.^1,2 Deep conversations build closeness faster than many shallow ones.

Joining a group or volunteering

Joining a local group and volunteering are among the WHO's suggested actions.¹ Repeated contact with the same people, like a weekly class or team, gives friendships time to grow.

Treating social anxiety or depression

Strong evidence

If fear of judgment or low mood keeps you from people, treating it can open the door to connection. See social anxiety and depression treatment.

How to make friends as an adult

Start with who you already know. Text one old friend, coworker or relative this week. Many people are waiting for someone else to reach out first.
Pick one regular activity. Choose something that meets weekly or more, such as a sports league, choir, class, faith group, gym class or volunteer shift. Seeing the same faces again and again is how strangers become friends.
Show up more than once. The first visit is often awkward. Give a new group at least three or four tries before deciding.
Make the first move. Suggest coffee, a walk or a meal after the activity. Keep it simple and specific: "Want to grab lunch after class next week?"
Ask questions and share a little. Ask what people care about. Share something real about yourself in return. Closeness grows step by step.
Follow up. Send a message after you meet. Remember something they told you and ask about it next time.
Put your phone away when you are with people.¹
Be patient with yourself. Close friendships take many hours together to form. Each small step counts.

Not sure where to start? The what kind of friend are you quiz and the introvert, extrovert or ambivert quiz can help you find settings that suit you. Our finding connection page has more ideas.

For partners, family and friends

Reach out first, and keep reaching out. A lonely person may not ask for contact, even when they want it.
Invite them along. Include them in plans that are low pressure, like a walk, a game night or errands.
Listen without fixing. Saying "That sounds really hard" can mean more than advice.
Notice changes. Pulling away from everyone, stopping hobbies or sleeping much more can be signs of depression.
See helping someone who is isolated for more ideas.

Special situations

Moving to a new city. Treat finding community as part of the move. Look for groups linked to things you already enjoy.

Working from home. Plan in-person contact on purpose, such as a coworking space, a regular lunch with a friend or a class.

New parents. Many new parents feel cut off from friends. Parent groups can help. See pregnancy, new parents and mood.

After a breakup. A breakup can shrink your social circle quickly. See dating, relationships and breakups.

Young men. Men are often taught not to talk about feelings, and many friendships among men center on doing things side by side. Regular shared activities, like sports or building projects, can be an easy way in. See depression in men.

Common questions

Is it normal to have few friends in my late 20s or 30s?

Yes. Friend groups often shrink after school and as people take on work and family. That does not mean something is wrong with you. It means friendship now takes more planning.

Can I feel lonely even in a relationship?

Yes. Loneliness is about how connected you feel, not how many people are around you. A partner cannot meet every social need. Friends and community matter too.

Does social media make loneliness worse?

It depends on how you use it. The WHO lists too much screen time and negative online interactions among the causes of loneliness.¹ Using it to plan real-life meetups tends to help more than passive scrolling. See the social media quiz.

What if I am shy or anxious around new people?

Start small, with settings that have a shared activity, so there is less pressure to talk. If anxiety keeps stopping you, CBT for social anxiety works well.

When to get help

Talk to a doctor, counselor or therapist if:

Loneliness has lasted for months and is not getting better
You feel hopeless, empty or worthless
Fear of judgment keeps you from going out
You are drinking or using drugs to cope with being alone
You rarely leave home

If you have thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 any time. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911. You are not a burden, and people want to help.

Sources

World Health Organization. Social connection linked to improved health and reduced risk of early death (WHO Commission on Social Connection report). WHO, 2025. WHO
Office of the U.S. Surgeon General. Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community. HHS, 2023. HHS (PDF)
Gallup. Younger men in the U.S. among the loneliest in West. Gallup, 2025. Gallup
Hickin N, Käll A, Shafran R, et al. The effectiveness of psychological interventions for loneliness: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Clin Psychol Rev, 2021. UCL Discovery
American Psychological Association. APA poll finds younger workers feel stressed, lonely and undervalued (2024 Work in America survey). APA, 2024. APA
American Psychological Association. Stress in America 2025: A crisis of connection. APA, 2025. APA
Making Caring Common, Harvard Graduate School of Education. On Edge: Understanding and preventing young adults' mental health challenges. Harvard, 2023. Harvard MCC

Education only. This page is general information written from the sources listed. It is not medical, legal or financial advice and does not replace a doctor, therapist or lawyer who knows your situation. How we write and check pages.