Self-esteem in later life

You might expect self-esteem to fade with age. On average, research shows something different. Self-esteem tends to rise through adulthood and reach its high point around ages 60 to 70.¹ Later it may dip, often along with health problems, losses and changing roles.²

That dip is not a law of nature. Before age 90, the average decline is slight, and averages hide a lot of variety.¹ This page explains how self-esteem changes with age, what can shake it in later life, and what helps keep it steady.

Self-esteem across the lifespan

A 2018 review combined long-term studies of 164,868 people ages 4 to 94. It found a clear average pattern.¹

The pattern was similar for men and women and across countries and ethnic groups.¹ These are averages. Your own path depends on your health, relationships and circumstances.

Why self-esteem may dip in later life

A U.S. study followed 3,617 adults ages 25 to 104 over 16 years. Self-esteem rose through adulthood, peaked around age 60, and then declined, especially after retirement.²

The researchers pointed to a few likely reasons:²

• Changing roles. Midlife often brings status and a clear role at work and at home. Later life can bring an empty nest, retirement and work skills that are no longer in demand.
• Health. People in better health in later life were more likely to keep their self-esteem.
• Money. Higher income was also linked with keeping self-esteem. The researchers suggested that health and money may help people stay independent and feel they still contribute.

Women had lower self-esteem than men through most of adulthood, but the gap closed in the 80s and 90s. Black and white adults had similar self-esteem until old age. Then it dropped more sharply for Black adults, even after income and health were taken into account.² Satisfying relationships were linked with higher self-esteem at every age.²

Retirement

For many people, work is a big part of who they are. Retirement can bring freedom, but it can also take away routine, a sense of purpose and daily contact with people. In the study above, the decline in self-esteem was most marked after retirement.²

What can help:

• Find new roles. Mentoring, caring for family, learning a new skill or joining a group can give back structure and purpose.
• Consider volunteering. In long-term studies, volunteers tended to have less depression and more life satisfaction and well-being. Trials have been fewer and more mixed, so it is not certain that volunteering causes the benefit.⁸
• Keep connected. Plan regular contact on purpose, since retirement can shrink your social circle.

See Retirement and mental health, Purpose and meaning and our retirement loneliness checklist.

Health changes and losses

Some changes raise the risk of depression in later life. They include chronic illness and pain, the death of a spouse or friend, moving out of your home, and losing independence, such as giving up driving.¹⁰ They can also shake your sense of who you are.

Needing help can be a sore spot. Some people feel embarrassed to use a cane, a hearing aid or a memory aid. In one set of studies, older adults who were more self-compassionate were less bothered about using this kind of help.⁵ Accepting help can keep you active, safe and involved. It does not make you less of a person.

Among older adults in poorer health, those with more self-compassion had higher well-being.⁵ Another study included 185 adults age 65 and older. Self-compassion was linked with more positive mood, a stronger sense of meaning and more peace with the life they had lived.⁶ See Self-compassion.

Ageism, from others and from yourself

Ageism means stereotypes, prejudice or unfair treatment based on age. It can be aimed at other people or at yourself.³

• In a survey of more than 83,000 people in 57 countries, about 1 in 2 held moderately or highly ageist views.⁴
• Among older people, ageism is linked with poorer physical and mental health, loneliness and slower recovery from disability. It is also linked with dying earlier, by an estimated 7.5 years.^3,4
• WHO estimates that about 6.3 million cases of depression worldwide are linked to ageism.⁴

Ageism aimed at yourself is easy to miss. Agreeing that you feel more useless as you get older is one example. Negative views of your own aging predict worse health habits, such as not taking prescribed medicine.⁴

The WHO says three things reduce ageism: fair policies and laws, education that corrects myths, and activities that bring different generations together.³

Caregiving

Caring for a spouse, parent or friend can bring meaning. It can also wear down your sense of self. Signs of caregiver stress include feeling cut off from others, having no time for exercise or healthy meals, and neglecting your own care.⁷

The National Institute on Aging notes that sadness, frustration and guilt are normal and understandable for caregivers. Many caregivers later say they did too much on their own and wish they had asked for help sooner.⁷ It suggests starting with small requests, keeping a list of tasks others can choose from, and joining a caregiver support group.⁷

See Caregiver burnout, Setting boundaries as a caregiver and Caregiver stress in dementia.

What keeps self-worth steady in later life

Other things that help:

• Look after your health. Treat hearing and vision problems, stay as active as you safely can, and review your medicines with your doctor or pharmacist.
• Look back with kindness. Reminiscence and life review are guided ways of looking back over your life, including what you have come through and given to others. See Reminiscence and life review.
• Keep learning. New skills remind you that you can still grow.
• Build self-esteem skills. See Building self-esteem.

Common questions

Is it normal to feel useless after retiring?

You are not alone. In a large U.S. study, self-esteem declined most after retirement.² Building new routines and roles may help. If the feeling lasts for weeks, or comes with low mood, talk with your doctor.

My mother keeps saying she is a burden. What can I do?

Take it seriously, and listen without arguing. Ask her about her mood, sleep and interests, and encourage a visit to her doctor. Talking about being a burden to others is one of the warning signs of suicide. It deserves a real conversation and a call for help, not just reassurance. You can call or text 988 for advice.¹²

When to get help

See a doctor if you or an older loved one:

• Feels sad, worthless or frustrated nearly every day for two weeks or more¹⁰
• Has lost interest in people and activities
• Has changes in sleep, appetite or energy that are easy to blame on age¹⁰
• Talks about being a burden, or about feeling useless¹²

Depression is not a normal part of aging.¹⁰ Medicare Part B covers individual and group therapy, including by telehealth. After the deductible, you usually pay 20% of the approved amount.¹¹ See What Medicare covers for mental health, Depression in later life and Therapy for low self-esteem.

Education only. This page is general information written from the sources listed. It is not medical, legal or financial advice and does not replace a doctor, therapist or lawyer who knows your situation. How we write and check pages.