Helping someone who may be thinking about suicide

Worrying that someone you care about may be thinking about suicide is frightening. You may fear saying the wrong thing, or making things worse. You do not need to be an expert. A caring person who asks and listens can make a real difference.

This page walks you through five steps that experts recommend. It also covers what to say and what to avoid, how to help keep someone safe, what to do in an emergency, tips for parents of teens, and how to look after yourself.

When to reach out

You do not need to be sure before you speak up. Reach out if you notice warning signs, especially if they are new or getting worse. Signs include:^3,4

• Talking about wanting to die, feeling hopeless or trapped, or being a burden
• Pulling away from friends, family or activities
• Saying goodbye, or giving away things that matter to them
• Drinking or using drugs more, or taking dangerous risks
• Big changes in sleep or mood, including anger, agitation or a sudden calm

See Warning signs of suicide for the full list.

Step 1: Ask directly

Ask in plain words: "Are you thinking about suicide?" or "Are you thinking about killing yourself?" Clear words show the person that you can handle the answer and that it is safe to tell you the truth.

Many people worry that asking will put the idea in someone's head. It does not. A review of studies found that none showed a rise in suicidal thoughts after people were asked about suicide. Some found that people felt better after being asked.² The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) says the same.¹

Tips for asking:

• Choose a private, quiet moment when you have time.
• Say what you have noticed. For example: "You've said a few times that we'd be better off without you, and you gave away your fishing gear. I'm worried about you."
• Ask the question calmly and wait. Silence is okay.
• Avoid questions that invite a "no," such as "You're not thinking of doing anything stupid, are you?"

If the answer is yes: Stay calm. Thank them for telling you. Ask whether they have a plan or have done anything to hurt themselves.¹ You do not need to know every detail. You need to know enough to decide how urgent things are.

Step 2: Listen without judging

Let the person talk. Try to understand what they are feeling, not to fix it right away. NIMH notes that acknowledging and talking openly about suicide may reduce suicidal thoughts.¹

Simple words help. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) suggests phrases such as "I care," "I want to understand" and "I'm here for you."¹¹

You do not have to say the perfect thing. Being present and calm matters more than any script.

Step 3: Help keep them safe

Ask whether the person has a plan. Then help make dangerous items harder to get to.¹ This is called means safety, or lethal means safety.

Why it matters: many suicide attempts happen during a short-term crisis. Access to dangerous items matters most during these times, and reducing that access saves lives.⁵ Having a firearm in the home is linked to about 3 times higher odds of suicide for people in the household.¹²

What to do during a crisis, in general terms:⁵

• Firearms: Ask a trusted person to store them outside the home until things improve. Where the law allows, local police may hold them. Otherwise, keep them locked, with the key held by someone else.
• Medicines: Ask a family member to keep medicines and hand out only what is needed each day.
• Other dangerous items: Remove or lock away anything the person might use to hurt themselves.

Do this with the person, not to them. Explain that it is a temporary step to get through a hard time. If someone has dementia and lives with firearms, see Firearm safety and dementia.

If the person is in immediate danger and will not let you help, do not try to take items by force. Call 911.

Step 4: Help them connect

• Call or text 988 together, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Counselors are available 24 hours a day. Veterans can press 1. For Spanish, press 2.⁶
• You can also call 988 for yourself to get advice on how to help a friend or family member.⁷
• Reach their doctor or therapist. Offer to make the call, drive them to the appointment or sit in the waiting room.
• Bring in others they trust, such as a family member, friend or faith leader.¹
• Help them make a safety plan. Our free safety plan tool walks you through it.

Some people fear that calling 988 will bring the police. Less than 2 in 100 calls involve emergency services, and more than half of those happen with the caller's agreement.¹⁰

Step 5: Follow up

Stay in touch after the crisis passes, and after any hospital stay. Supportive, ongoing contact plays an important role in preventing suicide.¹

Follow-up does not have to be big:

• Send a short text: "Thinking of you today."
• Call to ask how an appointment went.
• Invite them for a walk, a meal or a drive.
• Remind them of their safety plan when things get hard.

If it is an emergency

For parents of teens

Suicidal thoughts are not rare among teens. In a 2023 national survey, about 1 in 5 high school students had seriously considered suicide in the past year.⁹ Teens who felt connected at school had lower rates. So did teens whose parents usually knew where they were and who they were with.⁹

The American Academy of Pediatrics offers these tips for parents:⁸

• Watch for lasting changes in mood, sleep, grades or friendships.
• Listen, even when your child is not talking much.
• Never dismiss talk of suicide as drama.
• Respond with empathy, not judgment.
• Get help right away. Seek emergency care if the risk is immediate.
• Remove or lock up guns and other dangerous items at home.
• Encourage sleep, exercise and time with family and friends, and keep an eye on social media.

Take your teen to a doctor or mental health professional if you are worried. Learn more in For parents of teens, Staying safe as a teen and Bullying.

Helping an older adult

Older adults may talk about death in a calm, matter-of-fact way, or say they are "ready to go." Do not brush this off as normal for their age. Ask directly, and involve their doctor. See Suicide risk in later life.

Looking after yourself

Helping someone through a suicidal crisis can stir up fear, sadness, anger and exhaustion. That is normal. Reach out for support for yourself too.⁷

• Share the load. You cannot be someone's only support. Bring in family, friends and professionals.
• Do not keep dangerous secrets. If someone asks you to keep their suicidal thoughts secret, their safety comes first.
• Rest and refuel. Eat, sleep and take breaks.
• Talk to someone. You can call or text 988 to talk about how you are coping.
• Remember the limits of your role. You can care, ask, listen and connect. You cannot control another person's choices. If someone dies by suicide, it is not because you failed them.

See Caregiver burnout, Healthy boundaries and our care circle tool for organizing support.

Common questions

Education only. This page is general information written from the sources listed. It is not medical, legal or financial advice and does not replace a doctor, therapist or lawyer who knows your situation. How we write and check pages.