For Parents: How to Talk With Your Teen and When to Get Help

Parenting a teenager can feel like being pushed away by the person you most want to protect. Doors close. Answers shrink to one word. Friends and phones seem to matter more than you do. This is a normal part of growing up. Teens need more independence, and your relationship with them is still one of the most important things in their lives.⁴

Research backs this up. Teens whose parents usually know where they are and who they are with report much less sadness and fewer suicidal thoughts.¹ This page covers how to stay connected, how to talk about hard things, how to handle phones and screens, and how to know when your teen needs more help.

What is normal and what is not

The teen years bring fast changes in the body and brain. Self-consciousness, quickly shifting emotions and more time with friends are all normal.⁴ So is wanting more privacy.

Things that are not just a phase, especially if they last for weeks:⁶

• Losing interest in things they used to love, or having very low energy
• Sleeping much more or much less, or seeming tired all day
• Spending most of their time alone and avoiding friends and family
• Extreme dieting or exercise, or intense fear of gaining weight
• Signs of self-harm
• Smoking, drinking or drug use
• Risky or destructive behavior
• Talk of suicide, death or feeling hopeless

Contact a health professional if signs last weeks or months and get in the way of life at home, at school or with friends.⁶

The bigger picture

In 2025, about 1 in 3 US high schoolers (33%) felt persistently sad or hopeless, down from 40% in 2023. Girls were affected much more than boys: 43% compared with 24%.⁷ About 1 in 3 students used social media every hour or more, and only about 1 in 4 got at least 8 hours of sleep on school nights.⁸ So if your teen is struggling, you are far from alone.

How to talk so your teen will talk back

1. Pick low-pressure moments. Talk in the car, while cooking, walking the dog or doing chores. Regular check-ins can happen anywhere.³
2. Ask open questions. Instead of "How was school?" try "What was the best and worst part of your day?"³
3. Let them finish. Do not interrupt. Then say back what you heard in your own words and check that you got it right.³
4. Stay calm when you are surprised. React with understanding first. You can follow up later.³
5. Validate feelings. "That sounds really hard." "I hear you." Then ask what they need from you.³
6. Help them think, rather than giving answers. Ask questions and offer suggestions when they come to you with a problem.⁴
7. Respect "not now." Let them know you are available when they are ready, and that it is fine to talk with another trusted adult too.³

If you are worried, ask directly

If you think your teen might be thinking about suicide, ask: "Are you thinking about killing yourself?" or "Are you thinking about suicide?" Asking does not plant the idea. It opens the door to help.¹¹ Then listen, help keep them safe and connect them with care. See our guide on self-harm and suicide safety and worried about suicide.

Phones, social media and screens

In January 2026, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) released new media guidance. It moves beyond simple screen-time limits and looks at the content, your child's ability to calm down and self-regulate, what screen time pushes out (like sleep and activity), and family communication.² The AAP recommends:²

• Making a family media plan together
• Setting media-free times and places, such as meals, car rides or weekends
• Modeling healthy habits with your own devices
• Choosing high-quality media
• Talking with your pediatrician if you have concerns

The US Surgeon General has also advised tech-free zones at home and encouraging in-person friendships. Teens who use social media more than 3 hours a day face about double the risk of depression and anxiety symptoms.¹⁰ Keeping phones out of bedrooms at night protects sleep. See our guides on social media and screens and teen sleep.

What helps

The badges show how strong the research is (see how we rate evidence).

Talking about hard topics

• Mood: Use our guide on anxiety and depression. Private screeners like the teen anxiety test and depression test can start a conversation.
• Body image: Avoid comments about weight, and eat meals together. See body image and eating.
• Vaping, alcohol and drugs: State your expectations clearly, show you care and practice ways to say no. See vaping, alcohol and drugs.
• Bullying: Ask about friendships and online life. See bullying.
• School pressure: See school and exam stress.

Special situations

• Divorce, moves and loss. Big changes can shake a teen's sense of safety. Keep routines steady and check in more often.
• LGBQ+ teens. In CDC's 2023 survey, about 2 in 3 LGBQ+ students felt persistently sad or hopeless, compared with about 1 in 3 heterosexual students.¹ Family acceptance and supportive adults make a real difference.
• Teens who will not talk. Keep the door open. Let them know other trusted adults, like a relative, coach or counselor, are fine to talk to.³

Take care of yourself too

Parenting a teen takes energy and patience. Looking after your own sleep, health and friendships helps you parent well and shows your teen healthy habits.⁴ If you are struggling, you deserve support too. See caregiver burnout and setting boundaries.

Common questions

How much privacy should I give my teen?

Teens need growing privacy and independence. At the same time, knowing where they are and who they are with is linked to better mental health.¹ Aim for caring awareness, not spying. Explain your reasons, and ease up as trust builds.

My teen gets angry when I ask questions. What should I do?

Try fewer direct questions and more side-by-side time. Ask open questions, listen without interrupting and stay calm. If they do not want to talk, say you are there when they are ready.³

Should I take my teen's phone away?

Pediatricians suggest focusing on a family plan, phone-free times and places, and the quality of what teens see, rather than on minutes alone.²

How do I know if my teen needs a therapist?

If changes in mood, sleep, eating, grades or friendships last for weeks and get in the way of daily life, talk with your pediatrician about an evaluation.⁶

More teen topics are on the teens hub. For tips on opening a hard conversation, see starting the conversation.

Getting help

Start with your pediatrician or family doctor. US experts recommend depression screening for all teens aged 12 to 18.⁹ Give your teen some one-on-one time with the doctor. This helps teens build a trusting relationship with their health care provider and talk about sensitive issues.⁵

School counselors can help with stress, friendships and school problems, and can often refer you to local care.

Therapists: Look for someone who works with teens and uses proven approaches like CBT. See how to find a therapist and paying for therapy.

Education only. This page is general information written from the sources listed. It is not medical, legal or financial advice and does not replace a doctor, therapist or lawyer who knows your situation. How we write and check pages.