Coping skills that work

Coping is what you do to get through stress. Some coping helps you solve the problem. Some coping helps you feel steadier while the problem is still there. Both kinds have a place.

You do not need a perfect method. Most people do better with a small set of skills they can use on a hard day. This page explains the main types of coping, then walks through five skills with some evidence behind them: calming breaths, a set worry time, support from others, saying no, and the daily basics.

Two kinds of coping

Experts often sort coping into two groups.²

• Problem-focused coping goes after the source of stress. You make a plan, take a step, or get information.
• Emotion-focused coping helps you handle the feelings. You might look at the situation in a new way, accept what you cannot change, pray, or find some humor in it.

Which one should you use? Ask yourself one question: Can I change this?

If you can change it, even a little, problem-focused steps often help most. If you cannot change it, such as a loved one's illness or a loss, emotion-focused coping helps you carry it. Most real problems need some of each. For a step-by-step method to work on problems, see problem-solving therapy.

Coping that backfires

Some ways of coping feel good in the moment but make things harder later. Pulling away from problems, avoiding them, or pushing feelings down is tied to more anxiety, depression and physical complaints. People who cope this way are also more likely to smoke or drink, and less likely to follow their treatment plans.²

CDC advises limiting alcohol, avoiding illegal drugs, and never using a prescription in a way other than prescribed, including someone else's.³ If you notice you need a drink to unwind, that is worth raising with your doctor.

Skill 1: Calm your body with your breath

When you are stressed, your breathing gets fast and shallow. Slowing it down, with a long breath out, can send a "settle down" signal to your body. Relaxation methods like this aim to lower heart rate, blood pressure and breathing rate.⁴

In a one-month study from Stanford, adults did one of several 5-minute breathing exercises each day, or 5 minutes of mindfulness meditation. A method called the cyclic sigh, which stresses a long breath out, improved mood more than meditation did. It also slowed people's breathing rate more.⁵ This was one short study, so think of it as promising, not proven. Promising

1. Sit or lie down in a comfortable position.
2. Breathe in slowly through your nose until your lungs feel mostly full.
3. Take a second, short sip of air through your nose to top them off.
4. Breathe out slowly through your mouth, as long as feels comfortable. Let the breath out be longer than the breath in.
5. Repeat for about 5 minutes, or for as long as you like.

You can learn it with a guide at our cyclic sigh practice. Other options are box breathing, progressive muscle relaxation and a body scan. A larger body of research finds that relaxation training lowers anxiety, though many of those studies had weaknesses.⁴ Moderate evidence

Skill 2: Give worry a time limit

Worry tends to show up all day long. A skill called worry postponement puts it on a schedule. Instead of fighting the worry, you tell it, "Not now. Later."

In a 2024 study of 82 adults with long-lasting worry or health anxiety, people learned to put off their worries until a set time each day. In the group with generalized anxiety (constant, hard-to-control worry), worry dropped compared with people who were on a waiting list. The gains held at a check four weeks later.⁶ It was a small study, and it helped less for health anxiety. Promising

1. Pick a 15- to 20-minute "worry time" for the same time and place each day. Choose late afternoon or early evening, not right before bed.
2. When a worry comes up during the day, jot down a word or two on a notepad or phone.
3. Gently bring your attention back to what you were doing. Remind yourself you have a time set aside for it.
4. At worry time, look at your list. Some worries will have faded. For the rest, ask: Is there a step I can take? If yes, write down that step.
5. When the time is up, stop. Do something that needs your hands or attention, like cooking or a short walk.

At first, worries may keep popping up. That is normal, and it gets easier with daily practice. To look closer at worried thoughts, try our thought check tool. If worry fills most of your days, read about generalized anxiety disorder.

Skill 3: Lean on other people

Other people can help you carry stress. NIMH suggests reaching out to friends or family who can give both comfort and practical help.⁸ Talking with people you trust and joining a community or faith group are also on CDC's list of healthy ways to cope.³

Being cut off from others carries real health risks. The U.S. Surgeon General reports that poor social ties are linked to about a 29% higher risk of heart disease and a 32% higher risk of stroke. In older adults, long-term loneliness and isolation are linked to about a 50% higher risk of dementia.⁷

Support can be a phone call, a shared meal or a ride to an appointment. If asking for help is hard, the National Institute on Aging suggests:⁹

• Start with small, specific requests.
• Send a text or email if asking in person feels awkward.
• Offer a list of tasks so people can pick what fits their skills.
• Expect that some people will say no, and try not to take it personally.

For more ideas, see ways to feel more connected and support groups. You can also map out who helps with what using our care circle tool.

Skill 4: Set priorities and say no

Much stress comes from having too much on your plate. NIMH advises deciding what must be done now and what can wait, and saying no to new tasks when you start to feel overloaded. At the end of the day, notice what you did get done, not only what you did not.⁸

Saying no kindly is a skill you can practice. Being clear and direct about your needs, without being harsh, is called assertive communication. In one study of people with lung cancer, it was linked to less distress.²

A simple way to sort your list:

1. Must do today. Health, safety, bills that are due.
2. Should do soon. Important, but it can wait a few days.
3. Could do, or could hand off. Nice to do, or someone else could do it.
4. Can drop. Things that no longer matter much.

If you care for a family member, limits matter even more. See setting boundaries as a caregiver.

Skill 5: Protect the basics

Sleep, movement and food will not fix a hard situation. But they give you more energy to cope with it. CDC and NIMH suggest:^1,3,8

• Sleep. Keep a steady sleep schedule. CDC suggests 7 or more hours a night for adults. See healthy sleep habits.
• Movement. Work up to about 2½ hours of activity a week. That can be 20 to 30 minutes a day. NIMH notes that even a 30-minute daily walk can lift mood, and shorter walks add up.
• Food and drink. Eat regular, balanced meals. Limit caffeine and alcohol.
• News breaks. Staying informed is good, but nonstop bad news can wear you down. Step away from news and social media at times.
• Gratitude. Each day, name a few specific things you are thankful for, on paper or in your head.
• Write it down. Keeping a journal is another option.

Put it together in a calm plan

When stress hits hard, it is tough to think clearly. It helps to decide ahead of time what you will do. Our calm plan tool helps you write down:

• Your early warning signs, such as a tight jaw, snapping at people, or poor sleep
• One or two body skills, like the cyclic sigh or grounding
• People you can call or text
• One small step you can take on the problem

Keep it on your phone or on the fridge.

Coping in later life and as a caregiver

Stress often changes later in life. Health problems, losses and changes in independence are harder to "fix," so emotion-focused skills like acceptance, meaning and faith may matter more.

Family caregivers carry a special load. The National Institute on Aging lists warning signs of caregiver stress, including:⁹

• Feeling worn out, overwhelmed, angry or impatient
• Feeling lonely, sad or hopeless
• Trouble sleeping, or frequent headaches and pain
• No time to exercise, cook or take care of yourself
• Using alcohol or medicines more than you should

Do not wait until you are completely overwhelmed. NIA suggests taking regular breaks, such as asking a relative to step in, hiring an aide for a few hours, or using an adult day program. Setting aside time each week for something you enjoy also helps.⁹ Read more on caregiver burnout and caregiver stress in dementia care.

Common questions

Is it bad to distract myself?

Not always. A short break, like a walk or a TV show, can help you reset. It becomes a problem when distraction turns into avoiding the issue for weeks, or when it means drinking or other risky habits.² Use breaks to recharge, then come back to the problem.

How long before coping skills start to work?

A breathing practice may help you feel calmer within minutes. Skills like worry time and saying no often take a week or two of practice before they feel natural. In the breathing and worry studies above, people practiced daily.^5,6

What if nothing seems to help?

That can be a sign of burnout, depression or an anxiety disorder, which are treatable. Read about burnout and depression, and talk with your doctor. Also see what stress does to the body.

When to get help

Coping skills help, but they are not always enough. Reach out to a doctor or mental health professional if:^1,8

• Stress gets in the way of daily life, makes you avoid things, or never seems to let up
• Trouble sleeping, changes in appetite, low mood or loss of interest last 2 weeks or more
• You cannot do your usual tasks

Talk therapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy, can teach coping skills in a structured way. Your primary care provider can refer you to a counselor.⁸ Medicare also covers mental health care; see what Medicare covers. For a quick self-check, try our check-in.

Education only. This page is general information written from the sources listed. It is not medical, legal or financial advice and does not replace a doctor, therapist or lawyer who knows your situation. How we write and check pages.