Building resilience

Resilience is not something you either have or lack. It is built from relationships, skills, habits and a sense of meaning, and all of these can grow at any age. You do not need to become a different person. Small, steady steps count.

This page covers what the research says helps people adapt and recover after hard times, with badges that show how strong the evidence is. It also explains what formal resilience-training programs have shown, and their limits.

What helps, at a glance

The badges show how strong the research is. See how we rate evidence.

1. Build connection and support

APA suggests making time for people you trust, who listen and accept your feelings. Joining a group, such as a civic, faith-based or local group, can add both support and a sense of purpose.¹

Research backs this up. A review of studies on stress found that social support is very important for physical and mental health. This was true even for people facing genetic, early-life or other risks.² In a study of 421 people who lost a spouse, two things best predicted resilience. One was staying engaged in everyday activities and relationships. The other was expecting that others would comfort them when upset.³

1. Name two or three people you could call on a hard day. If none come to mind, that is useful to know too.
2. Tell one person how you are really doing this week.
3. Plan one regular contact, such as a weekly call, walk or meal, and put it on your calendar.
4. Join something with a schedule, like a class, faith group, senior center, support group or volunteer role.
5. Accept help when it is offered. Letting others help is part of resilience, not a failure.

See Ways to feel more connected, Support groups and the Care Circle tool.

2. Find meaning and purpose

APA lists finding purpose as one of the four building blocks. Its suggestions include helping others, setting realistic goals and taking small, regular steps toward them, and looking for what a struggle has taught you. Many people say that after a hard time, their relationships grew stronger and they valued life more.¹

Meaning does not have to be grand. It can come from caring for a grandchild, tending a garden, faith, work, or keeping a friend company. See Meaning and purpose and the Values Compass.

3. Learn coping and problem-solving skills

APA suggests being proactive. Ask yourself what you can do about a problem, and break big problems into smaller steps you can manage.¹ When a problem cannot be solved, coping skills help you get through the feelings it brings.

1. Define the problem in one short, specific sentence.
2. List possible solutions, even ones that seem silly, without judging them yet.
3. Weigh the pros and cons of the best few, and choose one.
4. Make a small plan: what, when and who can help.
5. Try it, then look back. What worked? What would you change next time?

Problem-solving therapy teaches these steps with a coach. For skills that calm strong feelings, see Coping skills that work and build a Calm Plan.

4. Practice flexible thinking

Psychological flexibility means being able to adjust to what a situation needs. It includes:⁴

• Changing your mindset or your actions when they stop working
• Keeping a balance among the important parts of your life
• Staying open to your experience while you act on your values

A major review found that these abilities are often missing in mental illness.⁴

APA offers several healthy-thinking habits:¹

• Keep things in perspective. Notice thoughts that jump to the worst case, and look for a more balanced view.
• Accept change. Letting go of goals that are no longer possible frees energy for what you can still change.
• Keep a hopeful outlook. Picture what you want, rather than only what you fear.
• Learn from your past. Think about what helped you through hard times before.

Try the thought check tool, CBT week 3: challenging thoughts or ACT lesson 3: acceptance.

5. Take care of the basics

Stress is harder to handle when your body is run down. APA says sleep, good food, enough water and exercise help your body cope with stress. It also warns against using alcohol or drugs to numb pain.¹

The CDC suggests these healthy ways to cope with stress:⁹

• Keep a steady sleep schedule, aiming for 7 or more hours a night.
• Be active. Start small and build up to about 2½ hours a week.
• Eat balanced meals and limit alcohol.
• Take breaks from news and social media.
• Make time to unwind, through slow breathing, stretching, time outdoors or a hobby.
• Keep up with regular checkups.

See Everyday habits for wellbeing, Healthy sleep habits, Exercise for depression and anxiety and our daily practices.

6. Help others

APA notes that helping others, through volunteering or supporting a friend, can build a sense of self-worth and connection.¹

One U.S. study followed 846 adults in the Detroit area for five years. Among people who had not helped anyone in the past year, more stressful events went along with a higher risk of death. Among people who had given practical help to friends or family, stressful events were not linked with a higher risk.⁵ This was an observational study, so it cannot prove that helping caused the difference.

What resilience-training studies show

Many workplaces, schools and health systems now offer resilience-training programs. Here is what reviews of the research have found.

• A 2018 review pooled 11 randomized trials. Programs based on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), mindfulness, or a mix of both raised scores on resilience questionnaires by a moderate amount. Mixed programs looked most promising.⁶ But many trials were small, only 4 of the 11 found a clear effect on their own, and no study tested how people coped with a real hardship afterward. Two of the authors were linked to a company that sells resilience training.⁶
• A 2014 review of 25 small trials found low-confidence evidence that resilience programs have a small to moderate effect. Most trials had a moderate to high risk of bias.⁸
• A 2020 Cochrane review looked at 44 trials of resilience training for health care workers, such as nurses and doctors. Right after training, people may have had higher resilience scores and lower depression and stress. There was little or no evidence of an effect on anxiety or wellbeing. The reviewers rated the certainty of all these findings as very low, and few studies followed people over the long term.⁷

What this means for you. Programs that teach CBT and mindfulness skills may help a little, at least in the short term. They are not a guarantee, and they do not replace support, rest and fair conditions at work or at home. If you want to learn these skills, our free 6-week CBT course and 4-week mindfulness course are places to start.

Resilience is not only up to you

WHO notes that mental health is protected by many things beyond the individual. These include positive relationships, quality education, decent work, safe neighborhoods and strong community ties.¹⁰ When those are missing, even the most skilled person can struggle. Asking for practical help with money, housing, transportation or caregiving is a resilient step, not a weak one. See Get help for services.

Notes for older adults

Many older adults have come through decades of change. Looking back at what helped you before is one of APA's suggestions, and it can remind you of strengths you already have.¹ Reminiscence and life review builds on this idea. If health limits what you can do, choose gentler options, such as chair exercises or phone calls instead of outings. See Wellbeing and resilience in later life.

When to get help

Self-help is a good start, but it is not always enough. APA suggests seeing a licensed mental health professional in two cases. One is when you cannot function as well as you would like after a stressful or traumatic event. The other is when you feel stuck.¹ Also reach out if low mood, worry or poor sleep lasts more than two weeks, or if you are drinking more to cope. See How to find a therapist.

Education only. This page is general information written from the sources listed. It is not medical, legal or financial advice and does not replace a doctor, therapist or lawyer who knows your situation. How we write and check pages.