ACT lesson 1: finding your values

Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT, said like the word "act") helps you live a full life even when hard thoughts, feelings or pain are present. It does not ask you to get rid of those feelings first. Instead, it helps you make room for them and keep doing what matters to you.¹

ACT often starts with values, because it helps to know what you are moving toward. This lesson shows you a simple way to find and write down your values.

Why this step matters

ACT aims to build what therapists call psychological flexibility. In plain words, that means being able to notice painful thoughts and feelings, stay in the present moment, and still choose actions that fit what you care about.¹ Values are the "why" behind those actions. Researchers treat living by your values as one of the core parts of ACT, and they have built questionnaires to measure it.⁴

Values matter most when life is hard. ACT for chronic pain, for example, shifts the main goal from removing pain to living as well as possible with it. People explore their values and then set goals that fit them.² A walk may hurt, but you may still choose it because you value time outdoors with your grandchildren.

Values, goals and feelings: what is the difference?

ACT does not treat "feeling happy" as a value. Feelings rise and fall on their own. Values are about what you do, so they stay in reach on bad days too.

Behavioral activation lesson 2 uses a similar step.

Life areas to think about

It helps to look at one part of life at a time. Here are common areas, with questions to start you thinking. You do not need an answer for every one.

Steps: find your values

1. Set aside 15 quiet minutes with paper and a pen. There are no wrong answers.
2. Pick three or four life areas from the table that feel most important right now. Leave the rest for another day.
3. For each area, ask: "What kind of person do I want to be here?" Write words for how you want to act, such as loving, patient, brave, playful, fair or dependable.
4. Turn the words into short value statements. Start with "Being..." or "Caring for...". For example, "Being patient and warm with my grandchildren."
5. Look for clues in your past. Think of a moment you felt proud, alive or at peace. What were you doing, and who was with you? What does it say you care about?
6. Look for clues in your pain. Pain often points to what you care about. If loneliness hurts, you may value closeness.
7. Test each value. Ask: Could I ever be "done" with this? If yes, it is a goal, so ask what value sits behind it. Also ask: Would I still choose this if no one else ever knew? If not, it may be a "should" from someone else.
8. Rate each area two ways, from 0 to 10. First, how important is it to you? Second, how closely did you live by it this past week? A big gap shows where you might start.
9. Choose one value and one small action you could take this week. Keep it tiny, such as "send a card to my sister on Tuesday."

You may notice thoughts like "It's too late" or feel sad or worried. That is normal. Lessons 2 and 3 teach skills for these.

Later life, health limits and caregiving

Values often stay steady as we age, even when the ways we live them change. If you can no longer drive to see friends, a phone call or a letter still acts on friendship.

Your values can also guide your health care. The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) Whole Health approach focuses on what matters to you, not only what is wrong with you. VA teams build care plans around a person's values, needs and goals.⁶ You can bring your values list to any doctor visit.

A sense of purpose may matter for more than mood. In a U.S. study of nearly 7,000 adults over 50, people with the weakest sense of purpose were more likely to die during the study than those with the strongest. The study cannot prove that purpose was the cause.⁷ See purpose, meaning and well-being.

If you are a family caregiver, your values may include caring well for someone you love. Your own health, rest and friendships are values too. Try to act on at least one value that is just for you this week. See caregiver stress and burnout.

For a free, picture-based stress guide, the World Health Organization offers Doing What Matters in Times of Stress, in dozens of languages.⁵

Does ACT work?

The Society of Clinical Psychology, a division of the American Psychological Association, once rated the evidence for ACT in chronic pain as strong. It rated the evidence for depression and for anxiety as modest. All three ratings are now listed as waiting for a new review.^1,2,3 To learn more, see the ACT overview.

Common problems

I can't think of any values.

That is common, especially with depression. Start with one area. Think of a person you admire. What qualities do you admire in them? Those may be your values too.

The gap between my values and my life makes me feel worse.

The gap is not a failure. It shows how much you care. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend. Then pick one small step to close the gap a little.

Is it too late for me to live by my values?

No. You can act on a value in any moment, at any age. A kind word, a short walk or a phone call counts.

Can I use this lesson instead of seeing a therapist?

Self-help is a good start. ACT is usually done with a trained therapist, often over about 8 to 12 sessions.^1,2 If you are struggling, see starting therapy and how to find a therapist. If you take medicine for depression or anxiety, keep taking it. Talk with your doctor or pharmacist before changing anything.

When to get help

Next: Lesson 2: unhooking from thoughts. Or go back to the ACT overview.

Education only. This page is general information written from the sources listed. It is not medical, legal or financial advice and does not replace a doctor, therapist or lawyer who knows your situation. How we write and check pages.