Losing a husband or wife

The death of a husband, wife or life partner is one of the hardest losses a person can face. After many years together, you may lose not only the person you love, but also your daily companion, your helper and the shape of your days.

This page covers the first months, your own health, money and paperwork, loneliness, and building new routines.

Why losing a spouse is different

When a spouse dies, many things change at once. You may lose the person who shared your meals, handled the bills, drove the car or knew your health history. You may also lose a role you held for decades, along with shared friends, plans and income.

This loss is common in later life, and it touches women most often. In 2023, about 9 million women aged 65 and older were widows, compared with about 2.9 million men who were widowers. Widows made up about 29% of all older women.¹² Many begin living alone. About 1 in 3 older women and about 1 in 5 older men living in the community live alone.¹²

If your spouse had dementia or a long illness, you may have been grieving for years already. See grieving someone still here and when your husband or wife has dementia. Some longtime caregivers feel relief mixed with sorrow. Feeling relief does not mean you loved them less.

What the first months can be like

Early on, many people feel numb or cannot believe the death is real. Others feel deep sadness, anger, worry, tiredness or trouble sleeping.³ You may still reach for the phone to call them.

Grief often comes in sudden bursts. A burst may last 20 to 30 minutes. It is often set off by a reminder, such as a song, a holiday or an anniversary.³

There is no correct timeline. For most people, the hardest symptoms ease somewhere between 6 months and 2 years after the loss. Some people take longer.³ Read more on what grief can feel like.

Your own health matters now

Grief affects the body as well as the mind. A large review combined 15 studies with more than 2 million people. Widowed people had about a 12% higher risk of dying during the study years than married people. The risk was highest in the first 6 months, at about 40% higher.¹ The rise was clear in men, at about 23%. For women, the increase was small and not clearly different from no change.¹ Men also tend to have worse depression and more health problems after a spouse dies, possibly because many have less social support.³

These are group averages, not predictions. But this is a time to take extra care of yourself.

Broken heart syndrome. Rarely, a shock like the death of a loved one can suddenly weaken the heart muscle. This is called broken heart syndrome (also called takotsubo cardiomyopathy, a short-term weakness of the heart's pumping chamber). It causes chest pain and shortness of breath, much like a heart attack. Most people recover fully within weeks, but it can be serious.²

Simple ways to protect your health:

• See your own doctor within the first few months. Tell them your spouse died.
• Keep taking your medicines. If your spouse used to sort them, ask a pharmacist about pill boxes or blister packs. Talk with your doctor or pharmacist before changing anything.
• Eat regular meals, even small ones. Frozen or home-delivered meals count.
• Protect your sleep. See sleep in later life and healthy sleep habits.
• Watch your drinking. Alcohol can worsen sleep and mood. See alcohol in later life.
• Move a little each day. See a 12-week walking plan for mood.

Loneliness and living alone

The quiet house, long evenings and empty weekends can be among the hardest parts. Loneliness also affects health. A 2023 U.S. Surgeon General report found that poor social ties were linked to about a 29% higher risk of heart disease and a 32% higher risk of stroke. In older adults, long-term loneliness and isolation may raise the risk of dementia by about 50%.⁵ About half of U.S. adults say they have felt lonely, so you are far from alone in this.⁵

Small, regular contact helps most. Ideas to try:

• Say yes when friends call or invite you, even for a short visit.
• Set one fixed time each week to see or call someone, such as Sunday lunch with a neighbor.
• Join a group that meets regularly: a faith community, a senior center, a walking group, a class or a volunteer job.
• Try a grief support group. See support groups and peer support.
• If hearing loss makes conversation tiring, get your hearing checked. See hearing loss, loneliness and the brain.

Your local Area Agency on Aging can connect you with senior centers, meals, rides and other help. Find yours through the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116, a public service of the U.S. Administration for Community Living.⁹ For more ideas, see loneliness in later life and ways to feel more connected.

Practical help: money, benefits and paperwork

You do not have to do everything at once. Our checklist, what to do after someone dies, walks through the first days and weeks.

Social Security survivors benefits. The funeral home usually reports the death to Social Security for you.⁶ As of 2026, these are the main rules for a widow or widower:⁶

• There is also a one-time $255 death payment for an eligible spouse or child. You must apply within 2 years.⁶
• If you already get benefits on your spouse's record, they switch to survivors benefits once the death is reported. If you get benefits on your own work record, call Social Security. They will check whether you can get more as a surviving spouse.⁶
• Apply soon. Some claims pay only from the date you apply, not the date of death.⁶ Call 1-800-772-1213 (TTY 1-800-325-0778) or visit any Social Security office.⁶
• Remarrying at age 60 or older (50 if disabled) does not stop survivors benefits on your late spouse's record. Remarrying before that age generally does.⁶

Veterans' families. Dependency and Indemnity Compensation (DIC) is a tax-free monthly payment for some surviving spouses of veterans, for example when the death was service-connected. VA also offers a Survivors Pension for some spouses of wartime veterans.⁸ An accredited veterans service officer can help you apply for free.⁸

Health insurance. If you had health coverage through your spouse's job, you may be able to keep it for up to 36 months under COBRA. You usually have at least 60 days to sign up, and you may have to pay the full premium plus a small fee.⁷

Grief support from hospice. If your spouse was in hospice, the hospice must offer grief support to the family for up to 1 year after the death.¹⁰ Call the hospice and ask what they offer.

Go slowly on big decisions. If you can, wait a while before selling the house, moving or making large money choices. Grief can make it hard to think clearly. If you must decide sooner, ask a trusted person or a fee-only adviser to look over the plan. See moving, downsizing and leaving a home.

Watch for scams. Be wary of anyone who contacts you out of the blue about debts or investments. See scams and financial abuse.

Building new routines

When the days you shared are gone, the hours can feel empty. New routines will not replace your spouse, but they can give your days shape again.

1. Anchor the morning. Get up at about the same time each day, open the curtains and get dressed.
2. Plan one small thing each day. A walk, a phone call, a chore or an errand. Write it on a calendar.
3. Learn the tasks your spouse used to do, one at a time. Ask a friend, relative, bank or library for help with bills, cooking, car care or the computer.
4. Plan for hard times of day. If evenings are worst, set a phone call, a TV program or a short walk for that time.
5. Plan ahead for "firsts." The first birthday, anniversary and holidays are often hard. Decide ahead who you will spend them with.
6. Find a way to remember. Light a candle, visit the grave, cook their favorite meal, or write them a letter.

There is no deadline for sorting clothes and belongings.

If you have pulled away from things you used to enjoy, a method called behavioral activation can help you slowly add meaningful activities back into your week. See also reminiscence and life review and purpose, meaning and well-being.

New friendships and relationships

Some widowed people never want another partner. Others find new companionship after a time. Both are normal, and there is no right timeline.

If you meet someone online, take care. Romance scammers build trust fast, say they cannot meet in person, then ask for money.¹¹ Never send money or gift cards to someone you have not met. Report scams at ReportFraud.ftc.gov.¹¹

Common questions

Is it normal to talk to my spouse or feel they are near?

Many widowed people talk to their spouse, sense their presence, or briefly think they hear or see them. Many people find it comforting, and it is not, by itself, a reason to worry. If these experiences frighten you or come with confusion or other changes, talk with your doctor.

How can my family help me?

Tell them specific things, such as "call me on Sunday evenings" or "help me with the bills this month." You can share our page on helping someone who is grieving or use a care circle to organize help.

When to get help

Most people get through grief with time and support. Talk with a doctor or counselor if:

• Months after the loss, the grief is still so intense that you cannot manage daily life.
• You feel hopeless, worthless or guilty most of the time, not just in waves. These can be signs of depression rather than grief.³
• You cannot sleep, eat or take care of yourself.
• You are drinking more, or you avoid everything that reminds you of your spouse.

Prolonged grief disorder is a diagnosis for grief that stays intense and disabling for at least 12 months after the death in adults. It affects about 4% to 15% of bereaved adults.⁴ See prolonged grief disorder.

No medicines are approved to treat grief itself.⁴ Medicare covers many mental health services. See what Medicare covers for mental health and how to find a therapist.

In a crisis: if you have thoughts of suicide or of joining your spouse, call or text 988. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. See also our safety plan.

Education only. This page is general information written from the sources listed. It is not medical, legal or financial advice and does not replace a doctor, therapist or lawyer who knows your situation. How we write and check pages.