Can personality change?

Many people wonder, "Is this just who I am?" The answer from research is hopeful. Personality is fairly stable, but it is not fixed. Most people change slowly over their lives. Life events, therapy and steady effort can also shift traits.

This page explains how personality changes from youth to old age, what life events and therapy do, and what happened when people tried to change on purpose. It ends with practical steps and a look at what is realistic.

Two kinds of stability

When researchers ask whether personality changes, they mean two different things:

• Do people keep their place compared with others? If you were more outgoing than your friends at 30, are you still more outgoing at 60? This kind of stability grows through childhood and young adulthood, then levels off.^1,2
• Do people change on average? Even if you keep your place, the whole group can shift. For example, most people become calmer with age.^2,3

A review of 152 long-term studies found that traits shifted a lot in childhood. They became much steadier by midlife.¹ A newer review, with data from more than 170,000 people, found that this kind of stability rose until young adulthood and changed little after age 25.² So adults are fairly consistent, but there is still room to change.

How personality changes across life

On average, people change in a direction researchers describe as more mature. Studies that followed people over time found these average changes:

A newer review found that emotional stability kept rising across the whole life span, more than earlier studies had shown.² In the 80s, change can speed up again. A Scottish study found almost no average change from age 69 to 72. But from age 81 to 87, people became somewhat less outgoing, less agreeable, less organized and less open.¹² These later changes are often linked to health. See Personality in later life.

These are averages. People differ a lot in how much they change.⁶

Life events

Big life events can shift personality, but research on this is still young. A review of studies on nine major life events in love and work found some evidence of change. It found that different events may affect different traits. The authors said the details are still unclear.⁵

Retirement is one example. A study of about 1,200 Dutch adults aged 51 to 81 compared people who retired with similar people who did not.⁶ In the month after retiring, people became more open and agreeable. These gains faded over the next five years. Emotional stability rose before and after retirement.⁶ People also varied a lot. See Retirement and mental health.

Therapy and personality change

Most therapy aims to ease symptoms, not to change personality. But it seems to do both. A 2017 review pooled 207 studies of people who went through treatment, mostly for mental health conditions:⁷

• Personality scores changed by a moderate amount over an average of about 24 weeks.
• Emotional stability changed the most, followed by extraversion.
• Changes were seen in both controlled trials and other studies, and in programs that were not therapy.
• In studies that checked later, the changes lasted after treatment ended.
• People treated for anxiety changed the most. People treated for substance use changed the least.
• The type of therapy did not make much difference.

Some therapies are built to target traits directly. The Unified Protocol is a form of CBT designed to lower neuroticism. In a trial of 223 people with anxiety disorders, it lowered neuroticism more than CBT focused on symptoms.¹¹

Can you change on purpose?

Most people say they would like to change something about their personality.⁸ Studies now show that many can, at least in small ways.

• Wanting is a start. In two 16-week studies, people who wanted to increase a trait tended to increase on it, in both their self-ratings and daily behavior.⁸
• If-then plans help. In the same studies, one method worked better than others: making specific "if-then" plans, such as "If I am at a meeting, then I will share one idea."⁸
• Doing is what counts. In a 15-week study, people could choose weekly challenges to act more like the person they wanted to be. Only people who actually completed the challenges changed. Just signing up for them did not help.⁹
• Coaching by phone app can work. In a trial of 1,523 adults, people who used a three-month coaching app reported changes in the direction they wanted. Friends and family noticed the increases too, though not the decreases. The changes lasted at least three months after the program ended.¹⁰

Most studies of change on purpose have been short. We do not yet know how long changes last over many years.

What helps

What is realistic?

You are unlikely to turn from a quiet person into the life of every party. But you can often move a little along a trait, and you can change how you act in the moments that matter. The changes people achieve in studies are small to moderate.^7,10

It also helps to ask why you want to change. Sometimes the goal is not a different personality but a better fit between your traits and your life. A quiet person may not need to become outgoing. They may just need one or two close friends and a job that suits them. Our values compass can help you sort out what matters most to you.

Practical steps

1. Pick one trait or habit. Choose something specific, such as "worry less about small things" or "keep my promises on time."
2. Turn it into actions. Ask: what would a calmer, or more organized, version of me do this week?
3. Make if-then plans. "If I start to worry at night, then I will write the worry down and set it aside until morning."
4. Start small and repeat. A small action done often works better than a big one done once.
5. Track what you do. Note each time you followed through. Completing actions is what predicts change.⁹
6. Ask for feedback. A trusted friend may notice changes before you do.
7. Get support if you feel stuck. A therapist can help, especially if worry or low mood is in the way.⁷

In later life

Personality keeps developing in later life. The retirement study above included people in their 50s to 80s, and their traits still shifted.⁶ It is never too late to build new habits.

But not all change is healthy growth. A sudden, large change in personality, especially after age 50, can be a sign of a medical problem, such as depression, a medicine side effect or a brain illness. It should be checked by a doctor. See Personality in later life.

Common questions

Is my personality set by age 30?

No. Stability rises in young adulthood, but traits keep shifting on average across life, and emotional stability keeps rising.^2,3

Will therapy change who I am?

Therapy does not replace your personality. It tends to help people become calmer and more outgoing, and those changes usually last.⁷ Your core interests and values stay yours.

Can I change someone else's personality?

Not directly. Studies show change comes from a person's own goals and actions.^8,9 You can support someone who wants to change, and you can set limits on behavior that hurts you.

When to get help

Talk with a doctor or mental health professional if:

• You want to change but worry, low mood or anger keeps getting in the way
• A trait causes serious trouble at work, at home or in relationships
• You or someone close to you has changed a lot, quickly, for no clear reason

If you are thinking about suicide, call or text 988 at any time. If someone is in danger right now, call 911.

Education only. This page is general information written from the sources listed. It is not medical, legal or financial advice and does not replace a doctor, therapist or lawyer who knows your situation. How we write and check pages.