Helping someone with an eating disorder

Seeing someone you love struggle with food or their body can be frightening. You may not know what to say, or you may fear you will make it worse. Many families feel this way. You do not need perfect words. Calm, caring and steady support matters most.

This page covers how to bring up your worry, what to say and what to avoid, how to support treatment and meals, and how to look after yourself. It also lists places to call. To learn more first, read about the signs of an eating disorder and the types of eating disorders.

Why your support matters

An eating disorder is a serious medical and mental health illness. It is not a diet, a phase or a choice. Many people feel shame or fear about talking to anyone, so go slowly and kindly.

Family and friends often notice changes first. You can encourage the person to get help and stay beside them during treatment.¹ Treatment plans often include talk therapy, medical checkups, help with eating from a dietitian, and sometimes medicine.¹ You can read more on the treatment page.

How to raise your concern

Plan the first talk before you have it. A few steps can help.²

1. Learn the basics. Know the facts about eating disorders so you can gently clear up wrong ideas about food, weight and exercise.
2. Pick a private, unhurried time. Do not bring it up at a meal, in front of other people, or when either of you is upset.
3. Think about your words. Some people write down the main points first. It can calm your nerves.
4. Describe what you have seen. Use "I" statements, such as "I have noticed you skip dinners with us, and I miss you at the table." Stick to things you saw, not guesses.
5. Say that you care. Remind the person that asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of, and that many people recover.
6. Leave the door open. End by saying you are there when they want to talk.

You may also mention changes that are not about food, such as being tired, withdrawn or short-tempered. Some people find that easier to hear.²

If the talk goes badly

Many people deny the problem, get angry or change the subject at first. This is common. It does not mean you failed.² Calmly say again that you care, then leave the topic open for another day. Even a rough first talk can plant a seed that grows later.²

What to say and what to avoid

Food, weight and bodies

It is wise to keep the focus off weight, size and looks. Comments about a body can hurt, even when they sound kind. Try to notice who the person is instead, such as their humor, kindness, skills and effort.³

You can also set a good example in your own home. Eat in a relaxed and sensible way, move your body for enjoyment, and avoid talking about "good" and "bad" foods or about dieting.³ This helps everyone in the household, including you.

Supporting treatment

The most helpful thing you can do is encourage the person to see a professional who knows eating disorders. You might offer to help find a doctor or therapist, make the first call, or go to an appointment.^2,3 You can search for specialists through the Alliance's find treatment page or call the helpline listed below.⁷

Your role changes with the person's age.

• Children and teens. Parents are usually active partners in care. Family-based treatment teaches the family how to support eating at home, and it is a main approach for young people.^1,3 A Cochrane review of 25 trials found that family therapy may help more people reach remission by the end of treatment than usual care. The studies were small, though, and the evidence is low in quality. More research is needed.⁴
• Adults. An adult has the right to decide about their own care. You cannot make them go. Offer help, stay in touch and keep the door open. Privacy rules can keep family out of appointments, so ask the person if they will let you take part.⁶
• Midlife and later life. Eating disorders happen after 50 too, and they can be mistaken for the effects of illness or low appetite. See eating disorders in midlife and later life.

Meals at home

Mealtimes are often the hardest part. The suggestions below are general. If the person has a treatment team, follow that team's plan first, since it is made for them.

• Keep meals calm. Turn off screens if you can, and keep the talk light and about other things.
• Do not comment on how much or how little the person eats, or on their body.
• Do not argue or bargain about food at the table. If a talk turns tense, take a break and return to it later.
• Ask the treatment team what they want from you. Many teams teach family members how to help with meals.⁵

Programs such as the New Maudsley approach teach relatives how to talk in a helpful way and support meals. They can lower stress at home and may improve outcomes for the person with the illness.⁵ Ask the treatment team if they offer something like this.

Taking care of yourself

Caring for a person with an eating disorder is hard. Studies of family carers find high rates of stress, worry, guilt and low mood.^5,6 Parents often say they feel alone and want to be told that they are not to blame.⁶ You are not.

Looking after yourself is part of helping. It keeps you steady for the long road.

• Do not wait for a crisis to reach out. Tell a trusted friend, relative or your own doctor how you are doing.²
• Join a group. The National Alliance for Eating Disorders runs free, therapist-led online groups for friends and family. As of October 2026, one meets on Thursday evenings (Eastern time).⁹
• Try a family class. Local chapters of NAMI offer classes for families, such as NAMI Family-to-Family and NAMI Basics.³
• Share the load. Ask other relatives or friends to take a turn. See how to build a care circle and our caregiver pages.
• Watch your own mood. If you feel hopeless or cannot cope, speak to your doctor. Read about depression and when to ask for help.

If you are a family member who also feels responsible for the person's feelings, remember that you cannot cure an eating disorder by yourself. Recovery takes time, and setbacks are common. They do not mean the person cannot get better.

Where to call

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Call or text 988, or chat online, any time. It is also there if you are worried about a friend or loved one.¹⁰
• NAMI HelpLine. Call 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) for support and local resources.³
• 911. For medical danger or immediate risk to life.

For more places to turn, see our help page.

Frequently asked questions

Education only. This page is general information written from the sources listed. It is not medical, legal or financial advice and does not replace a doctor, therapist or lawyer who knows your situation. How we write and check pages.